How does one describe a moment in time that descends into your life? It seemed simple and even ordinary at first, and then it wasn’t… Do I talk about sitting in a classroom that I had not expected to be in? Do I write about feeling lost in the world? Do I move to ‘following the dots’ to find an Unknown Way?
The ship of my second marriage seemed to be crashing on the rocks. It was a marriage that I did not want to end. I had a ‘imprint’ from my childhood that marriage was supposed to last. I had already been through the end of my first marriage even though it was my own choice. Or was it?
Sitting in the Prayer Chapel at Unity Village, I was waiting for an appointment with someone who had called me to ‘talk’ about the ‘problem’. My second husband was a minister and dissolving marriages can be difficult for the churches they serve. I felt embarrassed, even feeling some shame, yet most of all, just plain lost.
I clenched my hands into ‘fists’, struggling with the feelings, wanting to ‘pray’ to somehow fix it all. A ‘memory verse’ from my Fundamentalist childhood of learning about Bible stories, by creating the ‘stories’ in a sandbox tray with my Great Aunt Lydia teaching us, dropped into my awareness. The verses were always short and simple…for a child to learn. “Ask in my Name and you will receive…” came into my heart.
My heart felt like it was breaking open, even while pleading… “Show me what to do” formed as a response in my awareness to the invitation to “Ask…” And then, as if time had returned, I remembered that I was at Unity Village for an appointment and if I didn’t get there, I would be late.
A short time later, in another room, I was sitting with the person who had asked me to come. I knew him from a time when my husband had ‘tried out’ in a church in the Northwest and he had since come to work with the Association of Unity Churches team at the world headquarters. We briefly talked before ‘diving in’ to what we both knew to be ‘the question’.
And then…the Numinous simply descended. That’s one way that I would describe it now, even though I wouldn’t have known that then. Suddenly the light began to change in the room, I heard a voice… I thought, with my human mind, that it must be the person with whom I was sitting in the room. He later told me it wasn’t. The Voice simply asked: “If you could do anything in the world, what would you do?” Tears began filling my now closed eyes and then flowing down my check as I heard myself say the words, “I would be a minister.”
And then the Light changed again. I heard the voice of the person with whom I was meeting. He said in a somewhat excited voice, “If you really mean that…” as he explained that deadlines were approaching for applications to ministerial school. He simply started directing me as to what to do, the next immediate steps…that would re-direct my life.
My human mind had never ever even though about being a minister. That was what my husband did. Maybe we would do something together where my background and doctoral degree in education would be complimentary. Yet all of my ‘plans’ seemed to just simply dissolve into a greater Knowing that came from beyond my rational mind.
I simply followed…moment by moment at times… I waited for and then followed the next ‘points of Light’ that came. I asked for them when I needed them. I followed them when they came. It became my spiritual practice, one that I still follow and teach. It was one of my first connections with Radical Trust and ultimately Radical Love.
Love has many faces in our lives. It shows up in so many ways, often with interesting and strange disguises. What has emerged, for me, is a radical surrender. It does, however seem to take different ‘lengths’ of time as it morphs into its expressions of ‘sometimes love, sometimes sorrow’ in its exquisite journey of Love without an opposite.
Ultimately, two or three years later, the marriage ended… Yet, for me, the Love never ended. The dissolve of the ‘breaking heart’ became the Heart that was Broken Open, opening me to the next platforms, still then invisible, in this amazing journey of Love.
PRACTICES: BRINGING YOUR LIFE INTO THE CURRICULUM…
What have been ‘Moments in Time that changed your life?
How have they Surprised you? How have they shifted and morphed?
Can you ‘see’ them Now in new ways, through the eyes of Love without an opposite?
Write…for 10 minutes maybe, perhaps for an hour. I love writing for 1 hour. For me it represents the Power of One…
Practice LISTENING FOR THE WHISPERS, the Knowing that comes from Beyond our rational minds. Your’s will be different from mine…go beyond expections…
SCRIBE what comes…without judging it, without editing it… If only silence comes, just sit. It will seem, perhaps, to come as a ‘thought’… Just SCRIBE it, let it come.
Fabienne Meuleman saysSeptember 15, 2015 at 4:15 pm
Thank you for sharing with us Marj. “Love without an opposite…”: a phrase you mention often and that I am feeling more and more integrating deeply into me. Yes, there have been many ‘Moments in Time that changed my life”, and I would like to dedicate time to the practice to write more and see how they come to memory and come together in a structured, and/or unstructured way. One of the moments that has surprised me, and the whole world, we acknowledged this weekend, 14 years later, was of course that Tuesday in New York on 9/11/2001… I had started on 9/11/2010 to write about my experience that day, and how it had evolved since… and your sound cloud bites are planting a seed in me that maybe I will also record in my own voice for those who might like to hear. Although the movement is “now and forward”, there are parts of our stories that are influential in who we are today and who we are becoming. For me, that was one… Thank you Marj for sharing some of yours to sparkle and invite us to share too. With deep Love and Gratitude.
Charles saysSeptember 16, 2015 at 8:06 am
Marj, you did for me recently what was done for you that day at Unity Village. You gave me “next steps” that will, I am certain give insights and lead me into the next chapter of my life. As you know, I have been wondering about that for some time, even before my recent retirement. Taking Terri O’Fallon’s StAGES inventory was something I was interested in, not committed to. The knowing urgency in your voice was a divine catalyst that dissolved any desire to ponder any longer, and now the inventory has been taken, and I await the results and the consultation. I look forward to this experience as a way-shower, and I look forward to sharing results as time goes by.
Marj saysSeptember 16, 2015 at 9:06 am
Beloved Charles, you did for yourself what is the first NEXT STEP… You ACTED upon the Glimpse, upon the Inspiration, upon the Inner Guidance that you were receiving, yet had not ‘as of yet’ acted upon! It is the difference between being a ‘day-dreamer’ and the expression that is Beyond that. You took the next step to being a ‘Do-Dreamer’. I KNOW the potential of what this will offer you, I’ve taken the StAGES inventory and I’ve experienced the Vastness of the View that it offered me! I’m still acting on it! I have a ‘Glimpse’ of the possibility that we will do some of that together!
Michaela saysSeptember 17, 2015 at 7:22 am
I have come to cherish those moments that change the course of my seemingly well lit and – laid out path. This is not always easy, let alone comfortable, but for sure it is giving the whole journey a new impulse and momentum. “Life happening” is an invitation for inspiration and intuition and as this has become my preferred practice, interestingly enough, not much happens any longer that really surprises me….Isn’t that a beautiful paradox ?
Only if we bring our own experiences into the curriculum will we – and others – be able to see the uncanny synchronicity and synergy that makes life magic. That you came into my life, Dr Marj Britt & Friends, was such a moment in time that I remember well. I was in Berlin, visiting a friend, and from her window I could see the TV Tower, a major landmark of the city. Berlin to me has become so symbolic, signifying the coming together of the opposites, after the wall fell in 1989. I remember I pondered the symbolism of the TV tower, and the words that came to me were ” transmission” , “sending & receiving”. The same afternoon I listened into your talk with Adyashanti, when he invited you as a guest. The conversation was about “The Descent of the Dove” and after the call I contacted you, because I felt a connection. I remember I said – it feels like Adya pointed me to you now…and you told me about the tele courses that were about to begin.
Isn’t it magical ?